vampires.

medium john wants to be a vampire hunter. hmmmm. i’ve been musing about being a vampire hunter ever since.

i imagine that there is a lot of job statisfaction in being a vampire hunter, but not much pay. would you get to keep the assets of dispatched vampires?

the hours would suck. you would be on nights forever. well, i guess you would be on days as well. guess you would get a lot of overtime. would you have a timecrad? or be a salaried employee?

overtime. if you got to keep the assets of dispatched undead, would you be legally bound to inform prospective buyers about a castles dark history? or what if it was just a house? or burial plot?

would you be able to sell the body of the dispatched dead undead to science?

would they be available as organ donors? seriously, would organs donated by vampires render those abilities to the resceiving party? and would it also confer the vampiric status? ie, if you could use a vampires corneas; say, on stevie wonder, would he be able to see in the dark?

if you got a skin graft, would you get regenerative abilities?

what kind of tax is there on income generated from dispatching a vampire? inheritance? just regular income tax? capital gains? or is there some sort of special liberal vampire slayer tax designed to protect various democrat wives and senators? cheap shot i know, but i just want to give gus a reason.

what about the brides of vampires?

dracula is usually depicted as having three wives. hardly within the scope of church sanctioned marriage, but i just don’t think the vampires care.

if you dispatched a vampire, and didn’t get his wives, would they inherit the property of the dispatched? would you not own the property until all of the betrothed are dispatched as well.

what if you missed one? and she came back to wreak unholy hell (i actually got to use that phrase correctly) on some unsuspecting family living in a house you sold them. and they didn’t know. is it buyer beware? heh!

what kind of latitude are you granted to make mistakes? suppose i go to a goth club and begin dispatching vampires, and discover that i had made a ‘couple’ of mistakes. how many gothic errors am i allowed before my stake and cross are taken away.

how much is the licensing fee to become a vampire? is there a state ‘bar’ association for vampire hunters? how much is the fee?

which universities offer curriculums in the vampire hunting? is the degree offered a bs or a ba? is there a postgraduate program available? do you have to write a thesis? what are the textbooks like? are they available from amazon?

so many questions.

somehow, i’m beginning to think that prospective vampire hunters have not thought out their prospective career choice thoroughly.

maybe they just have a thing for goth girls?