shoes.

i don’t really care about shoes that much. they just get you from here to there. right? i do need a pair of new sneakers though. my nike’s cross trainers are 6-7 years old. they’re getting kind of tired. and i actually do run a fair amount.

man, do chicks care about shoes.

we had a congressman come through our workcenter this last friday. shlemeel, shlimauzal. i don’t really care. but, he is a congressman. that means the project managers and the like do care. and they get worked up into a frenzy over these types of things.

so we all had to don our best duds to look good.

the project managers were amazed that they actually got all of the contracters into suits and ties.

can y’all see where this is going?

and to top it all off, the congressman came and went. i never saw him, and he never saw me.

not a big deal. so i cleaned me cube, and wore a tie. no harm, and my cube needed a cleaning.

enter rachael.

she works in the cube across from me.

and is a shoe fetishista.

seems my choice of doc martins were not up to her standards. she even lectured me on all of the good intel she can develop about a man by his choice of shoes.

does he dress nice all of the time? is he married or single? gay? lots of other stuff too, but like i cared.

she elaborated to include wrist watches. with the same kind of intel gathering effects. she claims that a digital watch indicates a sloppy man who will take ‘short cuts’. i wasn’t wearing a watch (fortunately).

first, she ridiculed me. but that wasn’t enough. then she called all of my coworkers in the immediate area over to point out ny shoes, and subject me to further humiliation.

then, she got on the phone and started calling other women, and notifying them of my shoe faux pas.

will it never end?

guess where i’m going in a few minutes? the mall.

guess what i’m buying? shoes.

guess who i’m taking with me.

evidently, i’m in shoe hell.