so when i first started taekwondo, there was this 15 year old chick who kept kicking my ass.

it was kind of irritating at first, but then i found out that she gave up figure skating to study martial arts. at age 8 or something like it.

so 7 years later, she was chasing my fat ass around the school, kicking me in the head.

and smiling.

what?! you think i’m making this up? i’m telling you, jeanna beard is evil. she pretends to be this nice quiet little asian girl. but as soon as your back is turned.

cheap shot.

usually to the head.

look at the picture to the right. she freely admits to being in hell in that pic. and she has some poor unsuspecting soul by the throat as she plots my further torment.

i had a nickname for her. i liked to call her crouching tiger, hidden smartass. well, i called her that once. and paid.

it seems jeanna did a vanity search while at school today, she’s now a sophmore at UMBC (that’s university of maryland, baltimore county), and ran across her name on my site.

she was singing along with a karate hamster to the tune of kung foo fighting. which she now denies. so she sent along a little email.

nice memories.

when i told my parents i had started taking taekwondo for exercise, my dad started asking questions. pretty standard questions at first.

do you run?
do they run you hard enough to sweat?
do you punch people?
can you fly yet?
are you having fun?
how old are the people in your class?
could you kick bruce lee’s ass?
then just chuck norris?
are some of the people in your class young?
are there girls in your class too?
and you hit them?
do they hit you?
and you pay for this?

and after finding out the answers to the last few questions, my dad responded, “you’re going to jail, boy!”

i didn’t go to jail, though sometimes jeanna made me feel like someone’s bitch.

i got to know most of the people up at tkd school pretty well. jeanna liked to dabble in photography. sometimes i would help her a little with her homework.

ok, she made me write her papers.

but all good things come to an end. she graduated high school and moved on to college. she teaches martial arts there. and they have a horrible picture of you up there jeanna, make them fix it.

i gave her my speech about all of the little things guys will do to try and relieve girls of their pants. mostly about drinking.

she shrugged me off.

at least i thought so.

i googled jeanna beard today. little did i know that in addition to photography, jeanna likes to dj.

and yeah, what is the topic of jeanna’s dj show on radio umbc? stalking techniques.

that’s right. all of the sordid things i learned in college that might predispose girls to remove their clothing, and selflessly imparted that wisdom on to jeanna, in an effort to spare her the meaner tricks guys will do. she is now using these same tricks to trap poor defenseless unsuspecting guys.

but i wonder, does she really have to get them drunk?

i found out a few other things about her too. i knew she played rugby, but didn’t know she had pics up online. those are the pics y’all are enjoying.

i actually went to watch one of her rugby games. i saw jeanna grind some poor girls face into an out of bounds marker. best tackle all day. she spent some time in the ‘sin bin’ penalty box for that. i just wish we had had some beer.

and i can talk smack now. i’m out of her reach.

so i’m taking this opportunity to use a few terms i was not allowed to say at vuongs taekwondo.