i’m not talking about some sort of peak either.

i went out with a girl yesterday. i guess you could call it a date. not a very good one though, at least for me. it was definitely interesting. might have been a good date for her though.

after going and seeing kill bill volume 2 in georgetown, we were to meet up with some of her girlfriends at a bar called vida, in dc. we found club ‘vida’ ok, but it took us a while to find parking. and once confronted with the ‘line’ for entry, we were a little discouraged. then we started taking a look inside the bar, and it looked just a little too collegiate for our taste.

my date lured me into a club she knew, just down the street.

‘dave, this is club apex, and i like to hang out with some of my friends here.’

boy did my world change.

‘Apex’ is a lesbian club.

yeah, i got nowhere all night. i got nothing.

we walked up to the ‘line’ at club apex, and i was pleasantly surprised that i didn’t have to wait more than around 5 minutes to get in. can’t see inside from the outside. guess they like the confidentiality.

about half of the girls i saw at this time i would describe as ‘butch’. my date had the same opinion. she told me a while back apex wasn’t the ‘butch’ hangout, but that it had changed. she’s looking for the ‘new’ feminine lesbian hangout.

it was 8 ducats to get in. my date paid.

i refrained from sidling up the bar and ordering a beer. thought i would stand out pretty bad, big dude with a beer in the midst of a bunch of lesbians.

as if i had a hope of blending. the average height for a patron at club apex is oh…. 5′ 5″. i was head and shoulders above everybody else.

and to top it all off, after i got my jameson and coke, i noticed that most of the girls were drinking beer.

no ‘sexs on the beach’, ‘fuzzy navels’, or ‘pineapple and malibus’ for the lesbians. they drink beer. and shots.

the overall population of the club was around 90% female (biologically) and 10% male (again by genitalia). oh, and about half of the guys were on fire.

the womens bathroom was for women. the mens bathroom was for anyone. so as i stood at the urinal, there was a steady stream of girls moving around behind me to the stalls. it was like being back in spain! except in spain, they were cleaning ladies.

i did a shot, called a jolly rancher, which wasn’t too bad. had 2 or 3 drinks while there and watched some real individuals.

there was the guy in the dress. and let me tell you, the only thing worse than the guy in the dress, was the guy in dress, dancing. and like 5 feet away.

yeah, turns out my date was trying to liquor me up enough that i would dance. and she succeeded. but there was no more liquoring up than that.

there was a butch girl. complete with a flat top, and the wife beater a-shirt. she was dancing, with …. gasp… a male. he too had a flat top and a wife beater a-shirt on. it was weird to watch them dance. she had the whole guy thing down too. except for dancing. which is to say that she danced like a girl. which is the REALLY weird thing. she looked and acted like a guy (her black bra gave her away for definite), but danced well.

there was plenty of random kissing, groping, and humping going on. i felt obliged to watch, strictly for blogging purposes only.

ah, but i was found out. i wonder if gay people have ‘straightdar’ (and i’m copyrighting that term right now), because they somehow knew, i just was not there for the 10 gay guys walking around.

kelli, a dba from God knows where approached us and asked if we were straight or gay. seems she had seen numerous ‘straight’ couples in the club that night and was wondering if there was some kind of straight event. i think she was just hitting on my date.

my date confessed her orientation as ‘gay’, so i was on my own. i tried to hit on kelli a little, just to keep her talking, so that my date could move in. but kelli’s ‘boyfriend’, dressed in business suit, and with hair exactly like mine but black, moved in to restake his claim to kelli.

sigh, there would be no girl-girl-mlah action this night. in fact, my night was remarkably like a britsih movie. no action.

they had help wanted signs posted up for ‘security positions’. i inquired as to the pay. i looked around and liked the odds. i figured i could take a whole shit-ton (a shit-ton is a french measuring system unit. it equals exactly 2,000 ass loads) of them out before they got me.

i was shocked to learn that the open security positions consisted of id checkers and cashiers. club apex does not have any bouncers. and that’s kind of cool. they don’t have fights. that’s a mark against us breeders. well, really, just a mark against us guys.

as we finally left club apex, and after our late night cappucino, at soho coffee. which i think might be another ‘alternative’ business establishment. we strolled back to our chariot for our ride out of dc, and into maryland.

my date finally clued me in that random groups of guys walking past us were checking me out. as if. but i still managed a witty comeback ‘of course they’re checking me out, i’m totally hot’.

and for those of you readers who want to know, club apex is in dupont circle.

such was my saturday night date. all girls (almost) and no chance.