before some certain girl flies down here and cuts off my head…. or does something worse, i have to explain a little bit about my perception of the english chicks.

in spain, there were a few english girls working in bars. some of them were hot. some were not. most of the other bartender chicks were all pretty incredibly hot. most of them being from ireland or spain. i developed quite the taste for irish girls while there.

now, a quick caveat. i know the difference between england and ireland. between either of those two and scotland, and wales, and even the isle of mann, or wight. i’ve met and messed around with young ladies from all of those places. sometimes i paid the price for my geographic ignorance. not often though. i watched ‘haggus’ get beaten for not knowing that ireland was ‘completely’ separate from england. he thought ireland was where scotland is. big mistake. huge.

when i went out on the rivers, ssn-686, i came home to an english girl living in my house. her name was alex. and she was cool, and she hooked me up with chicks, which was really cool. how she got in my house is a completely different story. but let’s suffice it to say that she was, in my opinion, the least attractive of all of the ‘buy me drinkie’ bartenders in rota.

but she had a lot of visitors. and i noticed over time that some of them were ‘brits’ and not english. some of them militantly NOT english. and then i noticed that the brits seemed to always be hot. not the english. there was andy, who was greek cypriot/polish. and simone, greek/english mix. emma was dane/english mix. all of the citizens of the uk, who were not pure english were hot. the ones who were, generally fell by the wayside.

move forward. when i got off of the bruinvis in palma de majorca, beleares, spain i went clubbing with the dutch.

yeah, i used to go to clubs. so for the night i was dutch. this is when i learned that europeans charge different amounts, based on your country of origin, for admission. against the law in the us. but their countries, their laws.

we went to a disco. i screamed ‘paarde biffer’ at the bouncers as i strolled in and we had a blast.

the place was stock full of english. it was late summer, the tourist season was running down and the pickins were kind of slim.

there was one hot chick in the club. and she had a hump. i shit you not. an effin hump. me and 5 dutch guys stood there incredulously watching this chick shoot down guy after guy cause her shit didn’t stink. and as we wacthed her dance, all i could think of was the butler guy in the rocky horror picture show. ‘walk this way!’. we laughed and laughed.

and still my notion of english girls is colored mainly by two girls. some hump backed dancing queen in magaluf (just around the west side of palma bay), and my old roomie.

and when i watch the news of the world cup, and they pan the crowd for chicks (let’s face it, pictures of fat beer guzzling guys is selling no products), the english girls are absent.

i’ll watch englands next game against potugal. i’ll watch. i already saw england beat trinidad, but i’ll watch again.

i don’t think i’m digging myself out of this hole anytime soon.