heh.

turns out i didn’t win the lottery, and since i quit my job….. prematurely, i have to find a new one.

i went on a job interview today.

funny how some people see and hear the things they want.

so i go in to this major corporation, who shall remain unnamed. i have my interview at 9:30 with a ms. strittmatter. so i’m 20 minutes early and have to wait.

finally i am escorted through the cipher locks back to ms. s office to wait for her.

so i have to sit in this office. i look around and am appalled at what i see. a 4 year diploma from lasser university in feminism. great i think, i’m screwed. but i have to try, right? i look around the office at the garish decorations, ….. and spit cups. evidently ms s likes copenhagen.

so i’m trying to put on the best face possible, amid the stench of rotten spit, and in walks ms s.

she’s around 35, and overweight. she evidently has a high opinion of herself. she’s wearing a skin tight denim skirt, cut too high, and a flannel shirt. her cottage cheesy legs showing above her black socks (with sandals) and screaming to burst from her skirt. i trembled at the horror i was witnessing.
i try to stifle my amusement as best i can, but i think she noticed.

so she tells me to save the small talk first thing, cause she’s not interested in my personal life, just my qualifications. i respond of course, interviews aren’t beauty pageants, to which she scowled.

so i apologized. i was agreeing with her after all.

so she asks what new experience i could possibly bring to the table her current sysadmin team doesn’t already have. i went down the list of my qualifications, and ended with my willingness to travel. she wasn’t impressed.

then she asked where my weaknesses were.

say what you will. but i knew i wasn’t getting a job there. i’m not sure i would have been able to tolerate a job there. so i told her the truth. i told her i was unskilled with women. i just didn’t know how to communicate well.

and lilly went ape. well, she actually went primate a long time ago. she glowered at me and screamed for security. and i knew it was going to get ugly.

so i just got up and said she needn’t bother, i could walk out on my own. then, i couldn’t believe it, she yelled at me, “no, no, you’re getting thrown out!”

so i left.

i walked out with her running behind me yelling all of the usual invectives. her fat legs going a million miles an hour trying to keep up with a normal pace. i should have taken the stairs, it probably would have killed her.
but i refused to let it get me down. i had a date with leila today. and leila has assets. y’all remember leila? the car salesgirl i met a few days ago? we had a nice lunch. she paid, and then i broke the news to her. i didn’t really win the lottery.

wench threw pie in my face.

and to my horror, ms s was walking by (carrying one of the col’s buckets) and laughed. could it have gotten any worse?

last thing i said was the obvious,

“what? like some chick has never thrown shit in your face before?”

what a day!